When a loved one dies, it can be hard to know how to deal with your grief. It's different for everyone, and it's OK to feel the way you feel. You may find your grief lasts longer and is much harder than you thought. Or it seems like you're healing and then you go back to feeling grief more strongly again. By letting yourself grieve, you'll find your own ways to remember and honour your loved one.
Feeling grief is normal when a loved one dies even when the death is expected. Grief is a natural response to the death of a loved one. It isn't a sign of weakness.
Everyone grieves differently. There's no “right" way to grieve. You feel what you feel. Some people process their grief through their emotions (feeling style), others through their thoughts (thinking style), and actions (doing style). Many people have a blended style of feeling, thinking, and doing.
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Feeling: Experiencing a variety of emotions such as intense sadness, crying, and wanting to talk about your loved one.
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Thinking: Searching for reasons for your loss or revisiting memories and events. Doing lots of reading, processing, and analytical thinking.
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Doing: Keeping yourself busy so you don't focus on feeling. For example, you busy yourself with projects, volunteering, or pouring yourself into your work.
You may be surprised by how many parts of your life are affected by grief:
- your physical health
- your mental health
- your relationships
- your religious or spiritual beliefs
Managing your loss and grief
Grief itself is a natural response that doesn't usually require medical treatment. Social support and good self-care may help. There is no one right way to feel or
manage your grief. But if you find that your grief is making it difficult to function, contact a grief counsellor, bereavement support group, psychologist, mental health professional, social worker, or your doctor.
- When you’re feeling alone or isolated, try to reach out to someone you know to be with you. Talking about how you’re feeling and sharing memories can help you accept the loss of your loved one. Even if you don’t feel like talking, sometimes it’s nice to have someone around that you trust.
- Take care of yourself by eating, resting, and getting some exercise like going for a walk.
- Be kind to yourself.
Practice self-compassion and don’t expect too much of yourself during this time.
- Do activities that you enjoy as you feel able.
- Some people find it helpful to write in a journal of their thoughts and feelings.
Get help if you need it
Healing doesn't happen overnight. Everyone grieves in their own time.
Seek support from loved ones and consider joining a support group.
Talk to your doctor or healthcare team if you feel depressed or anxious and if you feel you could use extra support. Consider getting help from your doctor or a grief counsellor if you:
- have trouble doing everyday things
- can't stop thinking about the loss, and that's all you think about
- have trouble eating or sleeping (too much or too little)
- have less energy to care for yourself and your family
- feel hopeless of helpless
MyGrief.ca is a website provided by Canadian Virtual Hospice where you can find confidential and free information to understand and move through your grief.
Kidsgrief.ca is a website provided by Canadian Virtual Hospice where you can find information on how to support grieving kids.
Youthgrief.ca is a website provided by Canadian Virtual Hospice crated by youth to help other grieving youth and those who care for them.
Find bereavement support groups and individual counselling in a community near you.
Grief and bereavement support in Alberta
