This is your baby, and you have options for creating lasting memories. Give yourself time for you and your partner to go through this process. You have been a parent to your baby, and it is important to find ways to remember your baby. The creation of precious memories is an important part of this parenting and healing experience.
Making Memories
You’ll be offered a chance to create memories if you want to. For example, you may want to take photos of your baby, bring in a special item from home, and/or receive mementos like a teddy bear or ‘recognition of life’ certificate. Think about what memories will be important for you and your family. Finding ways to remember can also help with healing.
Under 12 to 14 Weeks: Your baby may look like tissue or a small sac. If you’d like to be involved in the care, you can choose to see and hold the baby, take photos, or accept mementos like a small teddy bear and memory box. Take the time you need to say goodbye. You may ask for a memory box or other mementos which will serve as memorials of your baby’s life.
Over 12 to 14 Weeks: You may want to create special memories or take part in religious ceremonies or rituals that are meaningful to you and your family. Some families dress or wrap their babies and read special stories to them. This is your time with your baby, so do whatever feels right to you. If you have questions, talk to your health care team.
Mementos
“It wasn’t until later that I understood what a difference the memories and mementos could make. I am so glad to have had that time with our baby.”
You’ll also get a memory box or bag to keep mementos. You can add other items to the memory box (e.g., ultrasound picture, cards, a toy) if you want to.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Bereavement Programs offer mementos as a way to remember your baby. These mementos are made possible through donations offered by families and volunteers.
Photos
Many families find having mementos and photos of their baby helps with their grieving. It is one way to remember your baby. If it feels right for you, take photos of your baby. You can use your camera/phone or one from the hospital. If you’re not sure if you want photos, you can take them now and look at them later if you feel ready.
Recognition of Life
You may decide to privately recognize your baby’s life instead of having a formal ceremony. This could be with you and your partner, family and friends, or anyone who is meaningful to you.
You may have an intimate service with family and friends.
You may have a private ceremony in the hospital prayer room, sacred space, your backyard, or at a place of your choice.
In Calgary, for losses under 20 weeks, you may participate in an organized public service like the Silent Hopes Memorial Service. This is a service held twice per year for families who have experienced loss. Contact EPL@ahs.ca for more information.
Write an Obituary
Writing an obituary is another way to honour the life and death of your baby. It can be long, short, detailed, or simple. You can also include poems or a personal message. Writing an obituary and sharing it with friends and family helps them to know your hopes for your baby and the depth of your loss.
Family Rituals
Many families honour their baby by:
- planting a tree
- creating, building, or buying a symbolic item
- choosing a special holiday arrangement
- writing a poem
- releasing balloons at a special ceremony
- creating a scrap book or memory book
