Relationships

What is Healthy and What is Not

This information will help you think about the kind of relationship you have with your partner.

Sharing Feelings
Healthy	Both partners feel safe and strong enough to tell each other how they really feel.
Unhealthy	Partners feel awkward and don’t tell each other how they really feel.
Abusive	One partner is afraid to tell the other how he or she really feels. He or she is scared of getting “put down” or threatened.

Communicating
Healthy	Both partners listen to and respect each other’s points of view. They make decisions together.
Unhealthy	One partner ignores the other and doesn't respect different opinions.
Abusive	One partner treats the other with disrespect. He or she ignores the other person’s ideas and feelings or makes fun of him or her.

Disagreements
Healthy	A couple has disagreements and still talk respectfully to each other. They work things out together, so they both get what they need.
Unhealthy	Disagreements often turn into fights.
Abusive	One partner is afraid to disagree because he or she doesn’t want the other person to get angry and violent. The disagreement is used as an excuse for abuse.

Intimacy and Sex
Healthy	Both partners can be honest about how they feel about being physical and having sex. Neither partner feels pressured to do anything he or she doesn’t want to do.
Unhealthy	One partner is embarrassed to say how he or she feels or what he or she needs. This makes the person go along with things that he or she may not be comfortable with.
Abusive	One partner ignores the other person’s needs and wants. The other partner is pushed into doing things that make him or her feel uncomfortable, afraid, or ashamed.

Time Alone
Healthy	Both partners can spend time alone and think of this as a healthy part of the relationship.
Unhealthy	One partner thinks there may be something wrong if the other person wants to do things without him or her. One partner tries to keep the other to him or herself.
Abusive	One partner doesn’t let the other spend time doing things on his or her own because it is a threat to the relationship.

Verbal Abuse
Healthy	A couple tries hard not to talk harshly to or about each other.
Unhealthy	There have been a few times harsh language was used in the relationship, but no clear pattern of abuse or violence.
Abusive	There is a pattern of increasing or ongoing verbal or psychological abuse (e.g., not getting money, damaging belongings, threats to hurt or kill the person).

Violence
Healthy	There is no physical violence or threat of violence in the relationship.
Unhealthy	There is no clear pattern of abuse or violence.
Abusive	There is increasing or ongoing pattern of pushing, slapping, shaking, choking, punching, or forced sexual contact.

Domestic violence is a health issue. Your healthcare provider will talk about healthy relationships with you and may ask if domestic violence or abuse is a part of your life.

Knowing that you are in an unhealthy relationship or are having unwanted sex isn’t always easy. If you have questions, or even if you aren’t sure, talk to your healthcare provider or call one of the services below.

No one ever deserves to be the victim of abuse.

For 24/7 support, you can contact:

Current as of: February 8, 2018

Author: Domestic Violence Program, Alberta Health Services

This material is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified health professional. This material is intended for general information only and is provided on an "as is", "where is" basis. Although reasonable efforts were made to confirm the accuracy of the information, Alberta Health Services does not make any representation or warranty, express, implied or statutory, as to the accuracy, reliability, completeness, applicability or fitness for a particular purpose of such information. Alberta Health Services expressly disclaims all liability for the use of these materials, and for any claims, actions, demands or suits arising from such use.