Death can be confusing to adults, and even more confusing for children. A younger child may imagine or believe that they caused the baby to die. Young children can be quite literal. It’s important to use clear, simple language to help them understand.
Try not to say things like “the baby was sick”. If you use phrases like that, a child may be scared that something will happen the next time someone is sick. If you say the “baby has gone to heaven”, explain what heaven is. Otherwise, they may wonder when the baby will come back. Tell a child the baby has died and explain what death means.
Your child may ask the same questions over and over again. Be patient and gentle with them. Answer questions as they come up. Try not to overwhelm them with too much information. Children will let you know by their questions and actions when they’ve heard too much.
Include your children in remembering your baby.
- A photo or their own drawings can help them understand what the baby looked like. If a child isn’t ready to or doesn’t want to see photos, wait until they are ready.
- They might help give the baby a name or draw a picture.
- You may choose to plant a tree or light a candle.
- You might choose a special item or ornament together for the baby.
