After the loss of your baby, you and your partner may go through a wide range of feelings and emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You will need time to grieve, to rest, to physically heal, and to connect with each other. You will have unique feelings and reactions, and you will likely need some time to work through your grief.
The feelings you have are related to the connections you felt with your baby during the pregnancy. Often, one parent may feel more attached in the early stages of a pregnancy because of the physical changes and feelings they had.
It helps to acknowledge your sadness and disappointment, to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, and to feel emotional pain. Healing from loss is a process and takes time. If you have feelings of self-blame or guilt, know there is nothing you did to cause the loss of your baby.
The loss of a baby is considered as one of the most difficult losses a person can experience. Many parents have said having time to say goodbye in a meaningful way helped them at the time of loss and later, through the grief process.
Emotional support
Surround yourself with supportive family and close friends. Let them know how they can support you emotionally, like by giving you the opportunity to talk about your baby and acknowledge your sadness.
Friends and family will also experience grief. They may not know how to share their concern or support. They may try to be reassuring, but sometimes the words they use may not feel supportive. Tell them 1 or 2 ways they can be helpful, as they want to be able to do something for you. Do you need a few meals cooked for you? Would you like help telling others about your loss? Would you prefer quiet time at home with someone? It is OK to express your needs and wishes.
Talk to your healthcare provider or a counsellor if you continue to feel sad or depressed. You may also want to make an appointment with a grief counsellor or bereavement coordinator. Many parents find it helpful to attend a support group and talk with other parents who have experienced a neonatal loss.
Going home
Returning to your home after a loss is often very emotional. You may find yourself thinking this experience was a bad dream. It may have felt sudden or unexpected. Returning home may reinforce the loss of your hopes and dreams of a future with your baby. For some families, taking their baby home for a short time may be an important part of the grieving process. If you take your baby home for a visit, your healthcare team will offer options and discuss safe travel with your baby.
Putting away any baby things or furniture is something you might want to do together or as a family once you feel ready. It can be an important part of the grief process. Remember, there is no time frame in which this must be done. You may choose to create your own memory box with a few special, saved items.
When considering another pregnancy
Often, physical healing happens sooner than emotional healing. Some parents may wish to quickly become pregnant again while others feel they need more time. Only you can decide the best time for you to try again. Take the time to heal. You may need time to acknowledge the loss and time to heal emotionally.
Other emotions may come up when you and your partner become pregnant again. You may be worried or anxious throughout the pregnancy and after your baby is born. It can be helpful to speak with a grief counsellor and your doctor about your concerns and to find strategies to help you cope.
You may also wish to talk to your doctor about the best options for birth control.
