Say goodbye to your baby in a way that feels right and meaningful for you. There are many decisions you have to make at this time. You may feel like you want others to make these decisions for you. However, this is one of the few opportunities you have to parent this baby. The lasting memories you make will be very important for you and your family. Take your time and consider your options. Do what you think is most fitting for you and your family.

Taking your baby home

Some parents choose to take their baby home before a burial or cremation. This is your right. It can give families an opportunity to spend some private time together. If you wish to do this, you will need to get a burial permit before leaving the hospital. You will also need to identify the funeral service provider you have chosen to help with your baby’s burial or cremation.

Choosing a funeral service provider (funeral home)

The first step in funeral or memorial service planning is to choose a funeral service provider (funeral home). Funeral homes provide personalized care for a funeral or memorial service. Professional services they offer include meeting with a funeral director, use of the funeral home or crematorium facilities, and preparation of your baby’s body for burial or cremation. They can also provide support with cremation or burial arrangements.

Families may choose a funeral home based on preference, experience, or referral from a family member or friend. Visit the Alberta Funeral Service Association Funeral Provider Directory for a listing of funeral service providers in Alberta.

Funeral homes will arrange to move your baby to their location. If an autopsy is being done, the funeral home will make arrangements to move your baby once this is done.

Funeral homes often have information about organizations that may help with the costs of a funeral, burial, or cremation. If you have life insurance, check with your life insurance policy provider to see if there are funeral benefits for your baby, even if you have not had time to officially add your baby to your policy. Your employee benefits office or insurance provider can help you understand your coverage.

Burial or cremation

For a neonatal loss, it is required by law to have a proper burial or cremation for your baby’s body. A funeral service provider will need to be involved in the care of your baby’s remains.

• Burial can include earth burial (interred) or it can be an above-ground burial (entombed in a crypt within a mausoleum).
• It is recommended that a burial involves a funeral service provider to be sure the remains are buried according to legislation.
• Costs for burial may be higher than cremation costs because of a required plot and maintenance.

• Cremation is usually less expensive than burial.
• You can bury, keep, or scatter your baby’s ashes. You can also take the ashes with you in case of a later memorial service or if you move homes.
• No casket is required. Cremation requires just a simple container and urn.
• To scatter your baby’s ashes, you need advance permission from most public lands. Ask your funeral service provider for more information.
• If you choose to have your baby’s remains cremated, you can choose to place some of the ashes within memorial jewelry or have the ashes incorporated into an art piece.

Ask your healthcare provider about where your baby will be held and for information on how you or your funeral service provider can pick up your baby’s remains. Where and how you can pick up your baby’s remains may depend on if you have chosen an autopsy for your baby.

Funerals or memorial services

Funerals are typically a service at which the body is present. You decide on the format and location of the ceremony and who is invited.

Memorial services do not require a body to be present. They can be held at a variety of locations and can be held at a time that is best for the family.

After the loss of your baby, you can make private arrangements with your funeral service provider and choose a location for a funeral or memorial service. Ask yourself:

• Who would you like to attend a service?
• Which poems, readings, or music would you like to include at a memorial service or celebration of life?
• Do you want to prepare a birth and death announcement? This is one way of honouring your baby’s life and informing others of your loss.
• What are your preferred ways of recognizing your baby’s life?

Other ways to remember

You may decide not to have a formal ceremony and instead choose to have a private recognition of your baby’s life. This could be with just you and your partner or you may include family and close friends. A recognition of life can happen in whatever format you decide is meaningful to you.

It is important to find ways for you and your family to create memories. You may choose to use the mementos you have of your baby, or you can add to them. You can have a recognition of life soon after the loss or you can wait until you are feeling physically and emotionally stronger. Take whatever time you need to plan this.

Writing an obituary is another way to honour the life and death of your baby. It can be long or short, detailed or simple. It can also include personal poems or a message.

Families may remember their baby by:

• planting a tree (contact your city or municipality to see if they have a Symbolic Tree Program in which you can plant a tree in a park)
• creating, building, or buying a symbolic item
• selecting a special holiday arrangement
• choosing a tattoo
• writing a poem
• releasing a balloon or balloons at a special ceremony

Journaling your experience or creating your own memory book may help with special recognition of your baby as well. You can find journal pages in After Your Loss: Neonatal Loss created by the Alberta Health Services Pregnancy and Infant Loss Program.

Do something meaningful to you to recognize the loss of your baby, no matter how simple or unique it might seem.​​